Breakups can be tough. While the general consensus would be that breaking up is better for a couple because it frees them up to explore relationship options with other people, there are some cases when breaking up may be the wrong decision.

Unfortunately, most people only reach this realization in hindsight, when the other person is long gone and a reconciliation may seem unlikely. If you recently broke up only to realize that it was the wrong decision after all, read on to learn a few do’s and don’ts on how you can get your boyfriend or girlfriend back and undo what could be the biggest mistake of your life.

How to Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back

Guys are often more successful when it comes to standing by the decision to break up with someone. Guys usually do not resort to breaking up unless there’s a good reason to do so, and being less emotional, they are less likely to come crawling back when they start missing the ex.

However, guys can make mistakes too and if you are a guy who’s kicking yourself because you just made the worst decision of your life, here’s how you can undo it and start again with your ex girlfriend.

Stick to the No Contact rule

The No Contact rule is the first thing you need to master when you are on a breakup and you want to get back together. This is because most of the mistakes you can commit when you are trying to get your ex back start off when you break the No Contact rule.

Sticking to the No Contact rule allows you to give the other person her own space. This allows her to remove herself from the negative associations with the breakup and eventually start missing you.

Upgrade your life

This is also the best time to start improving yourself, analyze where you went wrong, and generally assess your life so you can start working on areas that need to be improved. The good thing is that men are more likely to find this easy because we tend to want to tackle problems one at a time. If you felt like your relationship wasn’t working with the ex, it could be because there are other important areas in your life that you need to sort out first. Now is the perfect time to do so.

This step is bigger than just making improvements strictly in order to get your ex back. There are times when a breakup happens because you are due to make important lifestyle changes. You may need to change perspectives when it comes to health and fitness, change your priorities when it comes to your career, start spending more time nurturing other important relationships, and so on.

Enjoy being single

It is important to recognize a breakup as one of the best times to enjoy just being with yourself. Learning to enjoy being single often leads to the realization that you really do not need someone else to reach a place of contentment. Make use of this time because as great as being in a relationship is, you only get to enjoy being single once and this disappears once you get back together and eventually settle down.

Avoid making break-up mistakes

There are a number of breakup mistakes you need to avoid if you want to project the best image of yourself. For example, avoid using pity and begging, especially if you desperately want a meeting with the ex to ‘sort things out.’

Resorting to begging will do nothing more than make you appear weak and insecure, and you lower your chances of projecting a more attractive image of confidence and security.

It is also important to not allow yourself to be treated as a doormat. While you may still love your ex and want nothing more than to do anything that she wants you to do if it means getting her back, by doing so you let her walk all over you, projecting desperation and insecurity.

How to Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back

Women often fall prey to the surge of various emotions after a breakup. Loneliness, fear of growing old alone, anxiety about dealing with the immediate aftermath of a breakup, and even anger can all lead to the hasty conclusion that the breakup was a mistake and that you need to get back together ASAP. Acting on these emotions may be the worst thing you can do, however. Consider the following steps instead if you want a more rational and effective way to get your ex back.

Know why the breakup happened

It is important to know why the breakup happened. There are deal breakers which make any breakup reasonable and right, while there are petty reasons that do not warrant breaking up the relationship.

If it was an abusive relationship, calling things off may have been the right move for both of you. If the breakup was an impulsive decision, giving yourself time to analyze the reasons why and how you can undo it can help you approach your former boyfriend when the right time comes.

Obey the No Contact rule

This rule applies to both sides and for a good reason. Women are more likely to reach out especially if the regret and the loneliness seem unbearable. The No Contact rule is there because it works.

It gives you enough time to become more emotionally stable, it allows you to remove yourself from the relationship and gain a more rational perspective, and it gives your ex the opportunity to wonder if the breakup is hitting you as bad as it is hitting him.

Purge all negative connotations from the relationship

Part of moving on is to remove anything that reminds you of the relationship. Although you may have every intention of getting back together with your ex, you first need to put a healthy distance between you and relationship. Throw out any photos, discard memorabilia and start making new memories in places that meant something to both of you. By doing so you are creating a new, positive place where it is easier to cultivate a new, more positive and more attractive version of yourself.

Focus on yourself

Women tend to fixate on the ex during a breakup and there’s nothing that they want but to get together. By fixating on your ex, you destroy your ability to focus on more important areas, such as yourself, your family, your hobbies, or your career.

You may not wish to hear this right now, but sometimes a breakup is one of the best times to start enriching other important areas of your life. Reconnect with old friends, take steps to improve your career, delve into a hobby that you have been putting off. By doing so, not only are you improving your life, you are also making yourself happier. Nothing is more attractive to a guy, ex or otherwise, than a girl who is happy and satisfied with her life.

Start dating again

This may be the last advice you would expect if you want to get back with your ex, but putting yourself on the market is one way of showing yourself that you are open to all possibilities.

By dating other men you allow yourself to find out if he really is the one, or if someone else better is out there. It is important to note that you can only be emotionally ready to date other men once you have reached a place where you are happy and content with yourself and your singlehood. Dating and the attention of another guy should be icing on the cake at this point.

Dating other men could be the signal to your ex that he should come around for a second chance. If this happens, well and good. If not, this should be a pretty good indication that he may not be the right guy for you after all.

The flood of emotions that rush at you after a breakup can make you want to do things that you will regret later. Give the tips above a try so you can approach the breakup and any attempts for future reconciliation with a clear and level head. By doing so, you raise your chances of getting back with your ex and you also avoid mistakes that could cost you that second chance at love.